August 30, 2009

graduating from college is making me all emo

i finally got a walter van beirendonck for eastpak backpack. and it makes me happy

BUT

......... is it just me or do yall who have a similar blog also find it kind of slightly embarassing on some level to be talking about clothes/appearances/what you got/what you want 24/7? granted this one is not all about fashion but then again anything beautiful i see is ultimately related to fashion in my head...and it's not something i can help. that's just the way i am i guess.
still once in a while i break out into a cold sweat thinking about how shallow and idiotic i must come across. i am 22 for christ's sake. and im not gonna lie, i am really really bothered by the fact that when you google my full name, this blog is one of the first things that comes up.

see, i am constantly torn between being a "sensible" person with a "stable" income, ie working in finance or trading or something...and completely indulging in my "creative" side and doing what i can feel passionate about. my gut knows what's right for me but i feel a lot of hesitation coming out and saying it, especially to my friends....most of who are/will be working for big companies after graduation, doing great things for the world etc. trust me, i dont think fashion in its true form is shallow, and i would defend it in every way possible if i had to. but in comparison to them i feel ...small.
am i starting to sound like that loser on hipster runoff?? i just wanted to write this here so that strangers (and potentially ppl i know ugh) can skim through and laugh at me and i can try to take myself less seriously

graduating from college is weird isnt it? suddenly the future is so real. youre faced with all these options and it can be exciting but in a very very stressful way.

one thing i know for sure is that if i want google to match my name with shit i can actually be proud of anytime soon, i need to get to work...

16 comments:

Amanda said...

that backpack is INSANE!!

and on that other note, i actually was just thinking the same thing. i hate to come across to people as an irresponsible, shallow, materialistic, object-loving person who can't spend her money on anything else. i can't help that i love looking at/wearing/buying clothes but you know what, we live in a material world and we are a product of what's around us. we just happen to be inspired by it, and compelled to share it with other people. it's not like it's ALL we are and do. i alot of the stuff i share on my blog never ends up in my closet- i just like it and want to share it with people.

don't stress about other people's impressions of you and how you stack up to your friends. do what you want to do and what makes you happy and the rest will fall into place!

D. said...

i graduate next year and i have very similar feelings. after debating, i reached the conclusion that whatever professional/career i choose to pursue, it should be the one that will make me hate myself less. and if all else fails, many ppl live double lives.

also, ur blog is ur place of happiness. it's ur journal that ppl just happen to be able to read. write about whatever the hell you want, it's not like ur forcing ppl to follow you. if they don't like it, they can try it for themselves and see how hard it is not to brag about a recent steal or covet the unattainable.

bird said...

its no cliche if it really works... follow your heart, and the rest will fall in place. law of attraction anyone? ask and you will receive. the only thing you must fear is fear itself. you are an infinite being of light with no beginning or end, whose soul purpose is to be express yourself creatively. open yourself up to in-spiration, trust in the universe, trust in yourself. others may influence, inspire, but the most important voice is your own....

Ally said...

i've always felt 'guilty' for being so interested in fashion and art. i graduate next year from a double degree in painting and literature and i am having a similar dilemma, worrying about what to do in the real world.
Often when sitting in my studio surrounded by the rest of the painting students i think 'why i am i doing this? why is anyone doing this? there are real problems that need to be solved, why are any of us bothering with art - it's useless!' i'm still coming to terms with these questions because on one hand i can see that a world without the arts would lack so much beauty and meaning, but at the same time art is not going to feed people or save us from the apocalypse. i really don't know, i guess i figure not everyone can work in law/medicine/commerce and that i should do what makes me happy because if i'm unhappy it won't help anyone

Artaksiniya said...

Do not think the day after tomorrow, think about NOW, enjoy it..You will choose smth at the very moment when you will have a choice infront of you. Anyways, we always get what`s best for us somehow.
Life is magic.
Moreover your blog inspires many people, someone discoveres smth with a help of your blog... It is very important :)))


The most important thing is being yourself! Be it fashion or something else, it`s a part of your personality!

xx

yui said...

thanks guys.
and ally, yeah i completely agree.

Cara said...

I totally know how you feel. I just graduated in May after being pulled between fashion and finance all four years of college. I still don't know which to choose!
xx, CC

burnthesebones said...

been reading your blog for a while now, but this is my first time commenting.

i empathize so much with your blogging self doubts. as much as i try to keep the contents of my own blog meaningful and challenging, if i didnt hold back on posting certain due to shame and fear of being judged as shallow and materialistic i would just be posting about what i want to buy ALL THE TIME!

and i've never wanted to be one of those "fashion" bloggers who only blog for their love of shopping.

and i can also relate to your sensible vs. creative dilemma..i'm a few years away from graduating and was always so sure that i was going to have a career in fashion in some capacity. i started working in fashion right out of high school and haven't stopped since, but now i'm getting frustrated and fed up with aspects of the industry and feeling insecure about ever "making it". plus my parents are pressuring me to go to law school and most of my friends are studying medicine, politics etc...

sorry for the novel!

fauxfauxreal said...

Hi Yui,
I love your blog! You have great taste. :-) Just to comment on this post I carried around the same dilemma for many years....and only recently made peace with it but what I came to realize ultimately is that fashion/design/art is a business/career, too. Some of my friends do really well and some don't(that kind of depends on your natural drive and business instincts) but in general it might take longer to actually make money off of it but once you start stacking up experience it'll pay off and you're friends will be fat and boring people in suits and you will be still be cute and creative.

esther

Wends said...

:) I completely identify with you
I'm currently working in the finance industry whilst being fashion student as well.
Fashion stands for a huge part of society culturally and historically not to mention, ultimately forms one's identity. Consumerism can be shunned upon but could mean shutting out inspiration, creativity and beauty.
Well let's just all find a balance.

And don't be embarrassed, people see through words and in the end are moved by your aethetics. :)

OnePerfectMorning said...

i totally understand how you feel and this is a conversation i often have with my boyfriend and it's like i constantly have to prove to everyone that i am not superficial just because i love clothes. the thing is, i like fashion and i like clothes. it is not the processe of buying that i actually enjoy, it is the research and learning process. i like to learn about designers, hence the interviews, and i love looking at clothes, feeling them, wearing them. to me, fashion is a form of art in the same way that painting or photography are other forms. it is also a form of self expression and no one should be judging you for wanting to express yourself in any way.
see, my conclusion is, if clothes are what you like, then talk about them and look at them all you want, the love of fashion and pure consumerism are two very distinct things and you have nothing to worry about!
x

dust said...

You can dissect it as deep as you wish, but the sweet dilemma won't go away. Once you stop questioning "sensible" and "stable", the motivation and challenge disappears. The day you stop asking yourself those question if the day to start worrying.
I think you are doing just fine.

yui said...

thank you for the comments guys. reading them was really comforting. i hope we can all find some sort of healthy balance in our careers. but maybe like dust says, worrying and struggling is okay too.

Winnie said...

This is definitely something close to my heart and well, with most other fashion bloggers on here. If ANYONE knows you at all they will know that you're not shallow or superficial. Your online presence is only a part of your personality and I think as bloggers, we all know that.

The majority of my friends have no interest in fashion and can't see past the idea of fashion being soley shopping. On my blog, I can talk about fashion with like minded individuals and it's great! That's the beauty of blogs, it's such a brilliant creative outlet BUT also with a selected audience. In any case, you can't please everyone.

Fashion most definitely IS Art. I love it and I've learnt so much just from blogging. As long as you're still enjoying what you're doing then that's all you need to know.

fashionboogie said...

i completely understand how you feel...i graduated college last may with a business degree and i'm STILL torn about the "real world" vs. a career in fashion. the biggest thing to realize is that while it may seem shallow, fashion is the way we express ourselves on a daily basis - even if we're not concious of it. thus, fashion is more than just expensive clothes and shoes, it's style, inspiration, and creativity in motion.

best of luck to you with whatever you choose :)

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